Fully alive!

I don´t even know how to start. I never thought I would write this down and share it with others. I was convinced it would stay between the two of us, until now, 5 years later He asked me to release it.   After I gave up my rights to understand all that has happened in my life and after I said to the Lord that I do not need to know, an amazing process of healing   started and continued in Pemba, Mozambique. At the beginning of our time at school, Jesus showed me, where He was when I was suffering and what He was doing. I saw Him being so close to me during all the time. He did everything I could not do and it was His strength in me that allowed me to carry on and care for others. I remember feeling ashamed that I was able to carry on with my life as if nothing has happened, while the other family members were wrecked. I remember praying with desparation to Him: „Make me a wreck too!“ But instead, He too...

Girls, ladies, beautiful and precious ones! I just want to tell you today, you are not alone! Over the years I've been confronted with all these questions: WHY (are you still single) ?, WHEN (are you going to get married) ? and WHAT (is wrong with you) ??? Some even tried to "solve my problem". So after few tragicomical dates and set-ups I eventually realised, that people will not stop asking these questions, so I'd better come up with some good and honest answers. First, let me say, that I do believe that marriage is good and from God, there is a tremendous power when man and woman come together in unity! But we tend to forget, that we live in a fallen world. The union God intented for marriage was brutally violated by human race. Egocentrism, manipulation and violence replaced surrender, honour, gentleness. Some time ago the Lord told me: ,,Let's talk about man - woman relationship." My first reaction was: ,,Lord, now even You? Can we please change...

Psalms 32:8 „I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go, I will guide you with my eye.” Yesterday I spent the whole evening with this verse. He wants us to know Him so intimately, that we will be moved just by one look of His eyes. He does not want to force us to obey Him. He wants us to be sensitive to His desires. This verse took me back.. Back to the moment when I experienced the power of His look. One evening, I was exhausted, discouraged, frustrated with how things were going.. So I came to Him.. as I was.. I did not pretend to be ok. I told Him I cannot do this anymore. We met in the garden, it was warm summer night, the sky was full of stars, so we laid down on a grass in a way, that only our heads were touching. I did not see His face, we did not talk, I just wanted to watch the stars. Suddenly they started dancing! They moved in a beautiful pattern, it was breathtaking. At the same time I realised Jesus was moving the stars with the look of...

It was already late as I runned into His arms again, but this time He was already outside the house, waiting for me. As we embraced, I heard Him say: „You make me happy!” Really??? And He continued: „Most of My children ask Me to make them happy, so it is really refreshing when someone makes Me happy.” First I thought: Jesus must have had a really tough day. But wait, how can I make YOU - Creator of universe, Saviour of the world, Healer of all souls, happy??? Undone again.. Lord, You say 4 words and You turn my world around.. In John 17,13 MSG Jesus prayed for us: „So my people can experience my joy completed in them.” That means His people can bring Him joy! He prayed that we may be one with Him. We, our hearts were His motivation. We sometimes forget, that we are His reward. He went through all this horrible suffering and pain not only to save us, but also to enjoy us. So I try to live from this place. Am I His reward today or do I add to His pain and suffering? Do I make...

As I started leading a prayer group in Frankfurt I was literally shocked by how little we (christians) know about spiritual warfare and how paralysed we can get facing the darkness. So I choose this topic as the first one to dig into deeper, to learn, to practise, to encourage others to fight more effectively. As I was pondering why this comes so naturally to me and how to help others, the Lord told me, that I was well trained as a kid. First I did not have a clue what He meant, but soon I got it!   Our dad's passion were dogs. We grew up with them. Dogs of different sizes, characters, needs. From Great Danes to Chihuahuas. But mostly I learned by training and caring for Dogo Argentino. They are considered to be in the 5 most dangerous and agressive dog-species. They are predators, strongheaded, insensitive, but pretty predictable. Dad told us all over again - dogs can sense your fear. They will only attack you, if you show the...

Yesterday I had to say goodbye to my first car. I really hate giving my old stuff away and for me it was not just a normal car. It was a place of encounters, heavenly conversations, revelations.. and I experienced His protecting Hand so many times. I was definetely a bad driver at the beginning: impatient, ignorant, impulsive.. So many times I had to repent for doing stupid things and asked the Lord to help me drive better. There were many situations that could have turned out really bad, but one winter evening I will not forget till the rest of my life. I was visiting friends 500km away from Frankfurt. On my way back I decided to drive one friend home, as she was living in a tiny village and the connection there was poor. Before we left another friend prayed for angels before, behind, on the sides, above and underneath the car.  Shortly after that it started to snow heavily and soon it was very slippery. I had to drive slow, sloow, slooow... After seeing two accidents in about...

Forgiveness. Our ticket to freedom. When we forgive, we cut those chains that hold us back in our past. Because everytime we try to move forward, the sound of those chains brings the old memories alive. And hurt people hurt other people. As Christians we have mastered the theory of forgiveness, but still it is incredibly difficult to forgive well. To forgive like Jesus forgave us. We even pray this in the Father´s prayer: ,,Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." I usually quickly add a line: Lord, please, teach me to forgive better.. We cannot forgive well, if we are not healed completely. We live in a fallen world, so there are always new wounds coming up, some are just scratches, some go right through your heart. Sometimes I think of church (not Church) as a special training school for forgiving. The Lord in His mercy started teaching me about forgiving pretty early. He gave me two younger sisters – twins. Double portio...

From the time a child is born, adults are aware that protecting is an essential expression of love. When we, God´s children trust Him, He will protect us. I learned this in so many beautiful ways. On my journey through life I experienced His protection during my studies, at my workplaces, while travelling or driving a car.. But this week another dimension opened up for me. I was confronted with something that was definitely not right. And I had to decide and declare the truth. It was not easy, but a pretty clear choice from the beginning. I could not bow to this. Even if I would loose my job. As I was thinking about how to communicate things, I ended up reading the story of Daniel´s friends - Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego. They were living in a culture of idol worship, immoral practices, but they stayed firm and loyal to their God. They were confronted, face to face with the king Nebuchadnezar, who commanded them to bo...

God, the Creator. He is the most creative Person ever. And we are His creation, so I believe we are also meant to be creative, all of us. To some extend at least. I remember once I questioned God´s creativity. It was during a conference, testimony time, one man on the stage talked about a vision he had earlier that day. As he was describing it, I almost stopped breathing! The exact same Picture (me laying on a golden altar and burning like a living sacrifice for God) I received some time ago in Israel. I actually thought it was so unique, that it really shocked me that He gave someone else the exact same vision. I was disappointed. I asked God why He didn´t give him a different picture, I thought He speaks to us individually. I said I am sure He has enough creativity to come up with something new. ,,Yes I do, but I am limited by your human imagination and interpretation of symbols." Oh, that made sense. It hit me, that God still speaks to us, even though He must adjus...

John 14,23: If anyone loves me, he will keep my word and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 2. Corinthians 5,1-3   ..longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwellings. Because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. Where is your home? Where do you feel like being home? I was confronted with this question over and over again. There were times when I could not really answer it. Until I heard His Voice telling me to come home. That´s where the journey began. You have surely heard the phrase: Invite Jesus into your heart. Open the door of your heart, let Him inside. We teach this in Sunday schools, though how many of us are conscious of this reality? Hebrews 3:6 says we are His house, in John 14:23 Jesus says He will make His home with us. God desires to live inside of us! He is not a temporary visitor, once He is in, He makes no plans of moving out! He signs a life-long contract. With His blood. ...

Love does not boast, it is not proud. It is humble, it teaches us to go low and slow. I learned a lot about this from Daniel, a homeless disabled guy from Romania. The way we met was, of course, supernatural. The Lord highlighted him to me with a beam of light while I was walking down the busy shopping street in the city center. First I just passed him, because I did not know how to approach him. It was a hot summer day, so the Lord told me to bring him some water. Great! I can do that! He was sitting on the ground, his deformed feet stretched before him. So I kneeled and asked if he is thirsty, if he would like some water. He did not really understand, so I showed him a bottle. He said yes and we started talking. Then we ate  and drank coffee together. I said I believe in Jesus, he said he believes as well, he was brought up as catholic. That surprised me, somehow I assumed that he is not a believer. It must have been extremely hard to trust God in all he has been throu...

Do you know a person, who acts always the same? Regardless his/her own moods, hardships or circumstances? Person who is really steady? It is not easy with so many things going on around.. We often react in a way that we regret later on. Apostle Paul in 1. Corinthean chapter 3 says: „We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are so strong! You are honored, we are dishonored! We are thirsty and hungry, in rags, brutally treated, homeless. We work hard with our hands. When we are cursed, we bless, when we are persecuted, we endure it, when we are slandered, we answer kindly. We have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world - right up to this moment." How could they do this? I believe because they loved Jesus and they witnessed His steadfast love for them, that even death could not stop. I am a very active person, even my boss used to laugh (in a good way) about my 'hyperactivity' as he called it. I looove to move, i...

I made a habit of spending my first hour of the day with the Lord. One morning, praying, out of nothing, I heard an instruction to invite my neighbours for supper. My respond was: this is not going to work out, but because it is You, Lord, I wil do it. But I actually just wanted to prove Him, that this one He got wrong, expecting all neighbours to reject the invitation. So I wrote cards, inviting them and asking about possible dates. I knew all my neighbours to a certain level, we talked casually when we met, but there was one person I never met. A man living in an apartment on the other side of the hall. I never saw anyone coming out or goint in there, Over 4 years! I thought for a second, if it is safe to invite somebody you never met before to your apartment, But then, I will not be alone, so I dismissed the idea quickly. So imagine my surprise when this man replied as the first one. He gave me a...

Lord, again? Are You sending me yet another girl with a broken heart? You know I am not the 'right' person for this, I do not feel qualified at all. I did not have to go through all this myself, so I really don't know how can I help her. But the Lord insisted. He never changes His mind about His loved ones. So I spent almost the whole day with this beautiful girl, we walked, we talked, we laughed, we ate and at the end we prayed together. While praying I saw Jesus being soo close to this girl, watching her face intentionally for any sign of wish or desire, which He was determined to grant her immediately. This closeness and care really touched my heart, so I told her and we both ended up in tears. Lord, You did it again! Thinking I was serving someone, You served me so much more, You showed up in such a beautiful way.. Well, four days later on Sunday afternoon I received a phone call. This girl at the other end was almost screaming: ,,Judy, Judy! You will not beli...

Imagine being in love with someone, but you stay very passive in the relatonship. You leave your partner to make all the decisions, you wait until he comes up with something and then you go along. Do you know what happens after while? Joy and excitement dissappear and routine comes in. You know he will sort it out and he knows he will have to do it.   The Lord has been talking to me about active love. He desires a dynamic relationship with us, not a servanthood. He likes to be surprised, He loves when we approach Him actively. How? Take initiative! Step out of your comfort zone! Tell Him that you love Him, but then prove it! Love without deeds is dead. So everytime you do something you did not have to do, this little extra, when you act mercifully to someone who did not deserve it, you loved Him. Everytime you feed the physically or spiritually poor, you loved Him. Everytime you forgive someone before they ask you for forgiveness, you loved Him. Everytime you bring peac...

I love the prophecy about a faceless and nameless generation. I really believe that time of „big names“ ministries is coming to an end and instead thousands of „little ones“ will rise and carry His light, that will shine so brightly, that their faces will not be recognised. Beautiful invitation and I said Yes! to it. But recently I just realised, how much more my mind has to be renewed in order not to be hurt or offended when treated like one without face and name. To be able to completely give up this need to be „known by people“ and be content in the fact, that He knows me. Not being offended when people are attracted to me because of the light, not because of my personality. Realising that they don´t even have to like me, but still they will be able to see the light shinig through me. As I was telling the Lord about my struggle being nameless and faceless, He asked me a simple question: „Do you want My name?“ At that moment I knew, that ...

In the last few weeks I had a tough season. Things were happening I did not understand, I was dealing with some health issues and my joy was decreasing. I knew something was going on in spiritual. I was engaged in more battles and my strength was draining. What was I doing wrong? In such times there is just one way to find out. I laid facedown on my mat, and told God, that I will not stand up until He explains to me, what is going on. It did not take long and He came. He came as a Warrior and gave me an explanation and description of the camp I am fighting for. He showed me, that His children are divided into two camps. In the first one are Christians, who are really free and the devil has absolutely no power over them there. In the much bigger, second camp live Christians, who still believe lies, are tormented on regular basis, even though at some point they have given their lives to God. I saw an intense battle raging. Individuals from the first camp were fighting and he...

„Lord, don't you care, that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" (Luke 10:40) Martha was so stressed, that she started telling Jesus what to do! Reading these words: Lord, don't you care? reminded me of myself.. How many times did I ask this? Lord, don't you care about my needs, my feelings, my situation??? We people are quick to interpret things according to our experience.. According to that tiny piece of picture we are able to see in that moment. ,,But that's not fair!", exclaimed one young man as we shared the story in our prayer group. Maybe because I was sitting on the floor, maybe because I was irritated by the question, maybe because I quickly asked the Lord to answer this for me.. And suddenly I felt what Mary might have felt.. Sitting at the feet of Jesus, looking up, seeing His glorious face, hanging on every word He said.. She forgot about everything else, she only saw Him.. There were no people in the ro...

The last few weeks I felt like the Lord wanted to talk about storms. In a new way. It has been raining a lot recently in Europe, yesterday it was pouring rain in Frankfurt. The whole day darkness, heavy atmosphere, no breeze. In the afternoon you could hear the thundering and see the lightning, but it lasted couple of hours before heavy rain started to pour down. I was just driving back home, parked and waited for few seconds.. Nothing changed. There was no way I could get dry out of this! As soon I realised that, I took my new shoes off, left them in the car, and prepared to get soaked. Water was everywhere! But I could actually enjoy it, it was wild, it was refreshing, somehow I felt more alive. Running few meters to enter the house there was a young man heading the same direction, cursing loud the whole time. I realised, there will be storms in your life, it is inevitable, but the way you go through the storm can be so different! ...