Job

I don´t even know how to start. I never thought I would write this down and share it with others. I was convinced it would stay between the two of us, until now, 5 years later He asked me to release it. 

After I gave up my rights to understand all that has happened in my life and after I said to the Lord that I do not need to know, an amazing process of healing  started and continued in Pemba, Mozambique. At the beginning of our time at school, Jesus showed me, where He was when I was suffering and what He was doing. I saw Him being so close to me during all the time. He did everything I could not do and it was His strength in me that allowed me to carry on and care for others. I remember feeling ashamed that I was able to carry on with my life as if nothing has happened, while the other family members were wrecked. I remember praying with desparation to Him: „Make me a wreck too!“ But instead, He took me on a journey. And I am forever thankful for that.

In 2014 the journey accelerated rapidly. In Africa something very unexpected happened one day while we were worshipping. I was lying on the floor and felt the waves of His Love washing over me. Suddenly He told me: „Your story is similar to the one of Job´s,“ and before I could understand anything, I was caught up in spirit and witnessed something that has happened many years ago. I saw God, the Father sitting on His magnificent throne and Satan standing in front of Him with an evil look on his face, this grin and his whole face being fully deformed by outrageous pride. They seemed to be engaged in a conversation for some time now, but the first words I heard then were: „Just take away her father and You will see. She will run away from You, she will curse You, she will hate You for the rest of her life!“ I knew they were talking about me. The devil was so sure of his victory! I held my breath and looked at the Father. He seemed to be in great pain, as the devil´s words seemed to pierce His heart. But the accusation was so severe that He could not ignore it, and I felt that the request was somehow legal. Father simply answered: „Then let us see!“ He did not say it lightly, as it caused Him great pain, knowing exactly what that meant for me and my family and knowing how much pain we will have to endure in the coming years. But He said it confidently, like He knew the end of the story.

Whooosch... I was back on earth, sobbing unceasingly.. My heavenly Father, He trusted me enough to let it happen. He trusted me that I will not abandon Him, and that we will come out of this trial victoriously. And He was right! The dramatic death of my father has lead me even closer to my heavenly Father. I knew my heart cannot bear losing both of them. So after two years I surrendered fully..  and I started to chase after Him like never before. But I never expected that He would show me this. That He would show me how it all began. What a privilage! One student girl came over to me and gave me the much needed handkerchief, smiled and said: „Daddy God is so proud of you!“

The Lord never promised us an easy life. He promised never to leave us nor forsake us. And He always keeps His promises. Crazy things happen in life. We often do not undertand, and we often do not know how it all started. But beloved, do not forget, we are in a war. If you said Yes to Him, then be sure, the accuser will come up with all kind of things. That´s why it is so important to trust Him, no matter what, He is always in control of your life.

In His hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind. Job 12:10, NIV