Just receive!

Well, it wasn´t a good start. When I finally arrived to our Mission school  camp in Johannesburg, one day later, because my flight was overbooked, I found out I was put into the ´House of Healing´. That meant all the medical people were living together and were supposed to take care of all the other students (about 200). We even had a phone and were on-call every day. What a disappointment for me! Lord, You know I wanted to get a break from medicine and all the doctors and nurses.. I just passed my specialisation exam and after working for the last 8years with night- and on-call shifts at the intensive care unit, I was longing for a break and I definitely didn´t expect to be on-call here in Africa! The next thing, I found out, that the noisiest person in the whole school is also in our house and she set her tent right opposite to mine! Lord, I was praying the whole time on a bus from the airport and asked You not to have just this one person in my group. And there she was, first person I saw and heard every morning for the next 3 months.. Our camping place was downhill, so I was really looking forward to sliding in my sleeping bag every night for the next 3 weeks. Not mentioning the bucket showers and toi-toi toiletts.

Probably the only positive thing was my best friend, who was already there and the fact that we could speak slovak and nobody would understand. So I could let some of my frustration out without everybody noticing.. Thank You, Jesus.

I was eager to encounter God in a new way, but didn´t expect Him to start speaking right at the first day, realising that my attitude was not biblical at all. Despite of it, I felt His Presence and Freedom strongly already during our first evening worship time. And then suddenly I heard: „Just receive.” It really surprised me, that instead of rebuking me, He wanted to make sure that I receive everything He has prepared for me. He said that on the first day, wow. After the worship session, a different person returned to the tent. I didn´t care any more about the quality of my sleep, about lack of my comfort, about the tasteless white stuff we´ĺl be eating every day.. I just had to find out what does He want me to receive. And that night I setup my mind. I will not perform, I will not do things just to please other people, and that I will spend so much time with Him alone as possible, I really wanted to receive everything He had for me. Sometimes it meant not joining others in freetime activities, not doing any extra duties, skipping a meal or not chatting with other students for hours.. I had to say no to other things, so I could say Yes to Him, which was the theme of our school anyway 😊  And it was so worth it!

He was healing and comforting me, leading me to trust Him more, He has given me a new home, new perspective of life, new love, joy, fresh fire, was teaching me about patience, humility, perseverance, thankfullness.. He was repeatedly showing me, that He wants my whole heart and that I don´t have to be afraid to do that. I just became addicted to being in His Presence, listening to His Voice. Every time we started worshiping, the Heaven opened. And I was receiving, filling my heart with truths about His Love, Beauty, Goodnes, Glory, Patience. I realised how empty, hungry and thirsty I was, how chaotic and unstable my spiritual life was. I was offended at God, dry, isolated and scared of the future.

As Christians we are often pushed to do a lot of things, to serve in a church, to participate on different projects and activities. But we cannot give what we do not have. When we are not saturated, overflowing with His Love and Light, we have nothing to give to others. It is definitely not selfish, not ineffective, first you have to be filled up to the measure you cannot hold any more just for yourself. Only then you can give this Love, this Light away, yes, you can empty yourself and then come again and receive. His Presence and His Love is all you need, there is always more He wants to give you! There is no other way how to be refilled, just spending time in His Presence, worshiping Him in spirit and truth, telling Him everything and waiting for what He has to say. Because He cares! He cares about every little detail in your life, you are so worthy in His eyes. You are worthy of His time, but He is so much more worthy of your time. He deserves to have all your days, all your thoughts and dreams, your whole heart, your whole body, your whole mind. There is no one in the whole universe that cares and loves you so much. So just come to Him and receive...

„I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

„What do you have that you did not receive?” 1. Cor 4:7